do you ever have those days where you reminisce about "the good old days"? the days when you had less responsibility and had to act like less of an adult? maybe it's the times when you were on an epic vacation, or just felt free as a bird.
i've been doing a lot thinking about the past- maybe under the guise of, if you don't remember the past you're doomed to repeat it?! or that's what i'll say if i'm questioned about it anyway *wink*.
there are seasons of everyones life i believe, some seasons more robust than others, some seasons you may even wish never happened. these seasons are what make us who we are, they teach us things we never knew about ourselves, allow us to experience new things we weren't open to at first, they teach us to live and love and teach us to mend a broken heart. sometimes we are taught we are much stronger than we thought we were, and others show us how silly our choices were...
bits of these seasons i sometimes wish i could get back, bring them to the now. those little moments of perfection sprinkled like confetti on an empty street new years' morning. they are the gems you cling to in your memories, they are the people who left a mark on your heart, they are the feelings that make your heart dance in the middle of a rainstorm on a steamy summer afternoon.
some of the seasons i'd like to take back were not because of the special moments, er, well, that's not exactly true... it's more of wanting back the things i did... i ran more, i wrote more, i loved more freely the world at large, i was less cynical... some of these things were done in response to special moments, or the special people in life at the time. my muses for writing and creativity are some of what i miss most. some days trying to get the creativity going is so painfully difficult, i just can't find what i'm looking for, and struggling through it makes it that much more frustrating. trying to pin down exactly what the muse was, or how it came to be mine, is the most difficult at times.
is the muse a person, or was it a combination of a person, the place, the things you were doing? for me specifically, i wrote the most, er, the best when i was deployed to iraq- all three times. i don't know if it's the fact that you have so much time on your hands with none of the typical distractions of life, or if i just thought more deeply there with the unknown always looming over head. the writings were of epic proportion in my tiny little spot in this world, they came from my heart and were truer than true.
i'm on a mission to bring back the muse(s?) of my former much-better-of-a-writer self.... so, muse, if you're out there reading, please come back. i've missed you- and boy, do we have a lot to catch up on.
i need you back in my life... hope to see you soon. xo.